Dear Blog,
I know when I'm tired; I know all the signs. It seems, however, that I'm too good at ignoring them - certainly this weekend, I was.
Before I left to go bowling with my friends yesterday, my throat was sore... and I chose to ignore it.
During dinner, I was having a hard time keeping up with the conversation. What jokes I tried to make were really lame (like, awful) mainly because they didn't make any sense, because my mind wasn't moving fast enough. My stomach started to hurt and my head started to spin, and by that point I couldn't ignore it, because there was no way I could keep going, much less drive myself home - or another person, as I had originally planned.
I should have known it was going to happen; I had been up and about since 8 o'clock that morning. Twelve straight hours of activity, with only a half hour rest in between. And I spent a good chunk of Saturday out too, so usually I would limit myself to just one activity for Sunday.
It's strange, because I'm doing so well, and I try to tell my friends that yet how do I still make them understand that "so well" is still pretty bad by their standards? How can I explain that I literally can be fine one minute and five minutes later hardly able to move?
I'm glad I don't have a job this summer. I've spent so much time barely doing anything. Thing is, my body knows what it needs, and it always tells me what it needs. Lately, it's been telling me to slow down, to sit down, to stay where I am for a little while.
I need to stop ignoring it.
- Judith
Monday, May 31, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Not All Who Wander Are Lost... But Most of Us Are
Dear Blog,
This summer, so far, has been pretty aimless for me. I get up, do nothing, waste time, and hate myself for it. You see, for a long time I've acknowledged that I don't know when the morning will come that I won't wake up. Probability-wise, that morning isn't soon - but from my own experience with God, I know that He invented probability, and is completely comfortable with bending its rules.
In that vein, I've begun creating goals for this summer; exercise every day (currently, I'm walking 30-45 minutes every day), read two books a week (I have so many of them languishing on my shelf unread), begin learning from Mum all of the little (and not so little) things I really ought to know how to do by now. I want to save up some money this summer, because I just realize how expensive grad school will be (and suddenly, my plans for leaving the state are halted by the fact that the least expensive program - and one of the best I've found - is in San Jose, a city I'm already quite comfortable and familiar with). I plan to write... but this is the hard one. I'm finding it nearly impossible to write. I had an unusual dream last night that has me thinking about a story; but all I've got is a beginning. But, sometimes those unexpected plots are the most fun.
I'm doing really well. Still tired, but high-functioning. I find myself growing more independent from my family every week - which is both fantastic, and occasionally creates a few arguments. I'm beginning to feel my age; for so long I was convinced I was stuck at seventeen. Still, like a seventeen year old, I often find myself expressing an opinion and then realizing that I have so little experience and so little credibility or knowledge that really, what right have I to express an opinion? I can acknowledge my immaturity, but I can't seem to get rid of it.
I hope that I can find more to blog about the rest of this summer.
- Judith
This summer, so far, has been pretty aimless for me. I get up, do nothing, waste time, and hate myself for it. You see, for a long time I've acknowledged that I don't know when the morning will come that I won't wake up. Probability-wise, that morning isn't soon - but from my own experience with God, I know that He invented probability, and is completely comfortable with bending its rules.
In that vein, I've begun creating goals for this summer; exercise every day (currently, I'm walking 30-45 minutes every day), read two books a week (I have so many of them languishing on my shelf unread), begin learning from Mum all of the little (and not so little) things I really ought to know how to do by now. I want to save up some money this summer, because I just realize how expensive grad school will be (and suddenly, my plans for leaving the state are halted by the fact that the least expensive program - and one of the best I've found - is in San Jose, a city I'm already quite comfortable and familiar with). I plan to write... but this is the hard one. I'm finding it nearly impossible to write. I had an unusual dream last night that has me thinking about a story; but all I've got is a beginning. But, sometimes those unexpected plots are the most fun.
I'm doing really well. Still tired, but high-functioning. I find myself growing more independent from my family every week - which is both fantastic, and occasionally creates a few arguments. I'm beginning to feel my age; for so long I was convinced I was stuck at seventeen. Still, like a seventeen year old, I often find myself expressing an opinion and then realizing that I have so little experience and so little credibility or knowledge that really, what right have I to express an opinion? I can acknowledge my immaturity, but I can't seem to get rid of it.
I hope that I can find more to blog about the rest of this summer.
- Judith
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Do you feel like you're all grown up now?
Dear Blog,
I have my two biggest finals tomorrow, and I'll be honest, it's a bit of a struggle to study. I'm tired. I'm kind of done with school already.
And I'm a little bit frustrated. I was browsing Facebook, and decided to look up a few of my old friends from primary school, see where they ended up. And it was pretty saddening what I saw: quite a few of them party, a lot. I get that the drinking age in Scotland is 18, and I'm not against drinking or having a good time with friends... but to the point where it's disrespectful, where it's unhealthy, where it's just ridiculous, in the way it was for these people; that really frustrates me.
Some people talk about how, if the drinking age in the US was lowered to 18, less people would drink underage. True, yes they would. But that would not make them any more responsible about it once they did start drinking. And to the person who says, while the drinking age is 21, "I'm a mature person, I can handle drinking before I turn 21" - they are not in fact a mature person if they cannot also say, "But I can wait. It's not going to add or detract from my life."
I've found that college kids seem to think they're all grown-up and mature because they do whatever they want; they party like they're old enough to get so drunk they can't walk, they choose not to go to class or to study because they have the choice, they say and do things that would make their parents ashamed. Maybe I'm just a frumpy old maid, but that doesn't look like maturity to me; that looks like kids trying to look like adults, and failing miserably, because they haven't grasped the most basic tenet of maturity: responsibility.
So, speaking of maturity and responsibility, I'm going to return to my studying now, and I'm going to plow through because I don't really have another option, and because I need to do well on my finals to keep my scholarship (without which I could not afford to attend my school). And after finals are over, I'll bury my head in good books and watch TV and movies and go out for walks or hang out with friends, because I'll have the time for it.
Not the zenith of responsibility, but a sober, reasoned, practical decision.
- Judith
I have my two biggest finals tomorrow, and I'll be honest, it's a bit of a struggle to study. I'm tired. I'm kind of done with school already.
And I'm a little bit frustrated. I was browsing Facebook, and decided to look up a few of my old friends from primary school, see where they ended up. And it was pretty saddening what I saw: quite a few of them party, a lot. I get that the drinking age in Scotland is 18, and I'm not against drinking or having a good time with friends... but to the point where it's disrespectful, where it's unhealthy, where it's just ridiculous, in the way it was for these people; that really frustrates me.
Some people talk about how, if the drinking age in the US was lowered to 18, less people would drink underage. True, yes they would. But that would not make them any more responsible about it once they did start drinking. And to the person who says, while the drinking age is 21, "I'm a mature person, I can handle drinking before I turn 21" - they are not in fact a mature person if they cannot also say, "But I can wait. It's not going to add or detract from my life."
I've found that college kids seem to think they're all grown-up and mature because they do whatever they want; they party like they're old enough to get so drunk they can't walk, they choose not to go to class or to study because they have the choice, they say and do things that would make their parents ashamed. Maybe I'm just a frumpy old maid, but that doesn't look like maturity to me; that looks like kids trying to look like adults, and failing miserably, because they haven't grasped the most basic tenet of maturity: responsibility.
So, speaking of maturity and responsibility, I'm going to return to my studying now, and I'm going to plow through because I don't really have another option, and because I need to do well on my finals to keep my scholarship (without which I could not afford to attend my school). And after finals are over, I'll bury my head in good books and watch TV and movies and go out for walks or hang out with friends, because I'll have the time for it.
Not the zenith of responsibility, but a sober, reasoned, practical decision.
- Judith
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Over-Scheduled and Over-run
Dear Blog,
I got the best email in my inbox in a long time.
My club meeting for tonight was cancelled.
I love Not for Sale. If meetings were twice a week, I'd be sooo excited. If meetings were every day, I'd probably go. I care about the issues we discuss and I desperately want people to know that this stuff is going on, in their own backyards.
But there is so much going on right now. I'm exhausted. I can't think straight. I go to sleep in and I physically can't because there's just too much stuff to do. I was tired and sick last week - and it slowed me down - and this week I'm paying for it.
So, finding out that I won't be at school from 3:45-10 tonight was kind of exciting. I can go, work on my group project, come home, finish my homework, and maybe skip both Lost and Glee and just go to bed early.
I would never have made the decision to skip the meeting on my own.
Sometimes God provides in the littlest, best, most unexpected of ways.
- Judith
I got the best email in my inbox in a long time.
My club meeting for tonight was cancelled.
I love Not for Sale. If meetings were twice a week, I'd be sooo excited. If meetings were every day, I'd probably go. I care about the issues we discuss and I desperately want people to know that this stuff is going on, in their own backyards.
But there is so much going on right now. I'm exhausted. I can't think straight. I go to sleep in and I physically can't because there's just too much stuff to do. I was tired and sick last week - and it slowed me down - and this week I'm paying for it.
So, finding out that I won't be at school from 3:45-10 tonight was kind of exciting. I can go, work on my group project, come home, finish my homework, and maybe skip both Lost and Glee and just go to bed early.
I would never have made the decision to skip the meeting on my own.
Sometimes God provides in the littlest, best, most unexpected of ways.
- Judith
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