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Dear Blog,

I have a quandry.  I like to write.  I want to do it more often.

I have nothing to write about.  No good ideas, nothing more than fragments with no characters and no plot and, frankly, that's not worth much.  So, I haven't been sitting down to write, because I'm stuck.

This may be what they call writers block.

I've been reading more often, now that my homework load has lessened, and usually that gets my subconscious firing on all pistons, coming up with all kinds of cool stuff.  I haven't been coming up with things this time... probably because I'm really pretty tired, now that the semester is winding down.

Tired, and triumphant.  I was so certain I wasn't going to make it past the second week of school; I made it all the way through the first semester, and things are looking good for next semester too.  Things have been really good, actually.  I'm no normal 20-year-old, but I'm no invalid either.

But anyway, if anyone can pull me out of my unable-to-write funk, feel free to try.  Please.  I'm going nuts here. 

Judith

My Brain Is Melting

Dear Blog,

So... finals. Yeah.  I've been studying.  Probably wasn't all that smart to leave it until this weekend to start though.  Not too worried about Politics; he curves that class so massively anyway.  HumTut...  I have no idea how I'm going to manage to stuff all that information into my head.

Or how I'm going to write three essays tomorrow.  My wrists hurt from all the typing/writing I've been doing to review.  I suppose the answer to that is to stop typing/writing... but I like my method!  *Pouts*

Going to church this morning in the first time in forever.  I've been attending the evening services at Cornerstone, but noticing more and more how hard it is to meet people in a place so big.  It's silly, to be all, "I have no Christian friends" when I do, I'm just not attending their church.  So, I'm going this morning.

On that note, I should probably go get ready.  And stop typing; my wrists hurt again.

Love,

Judith

Southern California is broken

Dear Blog,

I took my first final today.  It was my lab final, and it wasn't as bad as I had worried.  I finished in an hour and a half, which is half the time I would have gotten if I had requested my extended test time for that test (I didn't, but I do have extended time on my other three finals).

It was, however, incredibly cold.  Not as cold as it gets in other places, I'm sure, but that sort of cold where it feels just like all of the other colds, and all you care about is getting inside and getting your hands warm.  I got home a half hour ago, and my hands are still warming up.  What's up with this, Southern California?  What did we do wrong?

I'm supposed to be reading a chapter for Geology - all about folds and other geologic structures (I don't quite know what they are yet, since I haven't read that far in the chapter).  But I just had to write, because I had a really great day today, despite the final and the cold.  I got to hang out with some ridiculously cool people, and I went to Not for Sale - I seriously feel so at ease there, more than I have anywhere else since high school.  I went to Cal Lutheran as my back-up, last choice school, and it's seriously a perfect fit for me.  How cool is that?  God has been providing for me so much recently.

Off to learn about overturned and recumbent folds.

- Judith

On Frustration

Dear Blog,

I've been going to church my whole life.  So why are there still all of these questions I struggle to answer? 

The fact is this: I know where I can find the answers.  It would not be the first time I'd read the Bible cover to cover.  And I know that every time I read it, it makes more sense.  It's not all just about frivolous things... "Don't steal because it's bad."  It's stuff that takes a while to digest; significant statements about the way God made the world and our place in it, in relation to Him.  The sort of stuff that takes time and mulling and digestion and serious study, usually for as many years as you are alive.

So, why on earth do people who call themselves Christians not read it?  I get that what I just said implies that it's a tough read - which it is - but it's the most significant thing you'll ever read in your life!  And if you don't read it, then the things you build your faith on are simply the things that other people have told you to build your faith on - things that will end up being based on those animal desires and ways we want to fight against God.  Because if you don't read it to know exactly what you believe in, then you know that Satan will of course grab up that opportunity to mislead you.  And we are told not to "give the devil a foothold." 

Though, you wouldn't know that if you didn't read your Bible.

I get the impression that if Christians read their Bible - and tried their level best to leave their interpretations of it uninfluenced by those things other people have told them to believe - then people wouldn't be so antagonistic toward the Church.  In fact, it might be the kind of place people in pain or uncertainty seek out, as it ought to be.

This is the moment for a big sigh.  All those visions of what ought to be - so easy to see - compared to all the things that really are...

My Brief Turn as a Feminist

Dear Blog,

I just cranked out the most outrageous essay I've ever written.  Outrageous because I'm fairly certain I got the whole thing, including research, done in less than four hours - counting yesterday's lack of productivity - and today where I only used half of what I started with, and retyped most of it out into the new document anyway.

It's outrageous because I'm not a feminist, and it definitely has a feminist slant to it.  It's outrageous because I propose that Euripides is making a comment on the misplaced role of women in Ancient Greece.  Euripides is most certainly not making such a comment, so much as writing a tragedy that he hopes will win an award at the festival of Dionysus, and hopes he gets bonus points for including Dionysus in the play.  It's not like the human mind has changed at all in the past 2500 years; I know what he's up to.

I actually managed to do research and actually cited four different sources, and there's so much quoting of text in my paper that I think half of the word count comes from my citations.  I was required to write 4-5 pages, but I wrote six... though that's pretty standard for me anyway.

It's my last paper for the semester.  Until the final, that is.  I'm kind of glad it's over.

And all of a sudden it's nearly ten at night.

And I'm kinda sick of the Greeks.

So I might go and read some of that fun Victorian novel I've been enjoying. 

Love,

Judith

Dear Blog,

Today, I am getting things done. Homework-y things. In a non-headachey way. I'm motivated by how much I don't really want to do the work right now, which means I'll hate it even more come tomorrow afternoon. That, and I've been reading The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins, and left off at a massive cliff-hanger this morning because I knew I had homework to do, and now I really want to finish so that I can get back to it.

Of course, that doesn't really explain why I'm writing a blog instead. That's Lara's fault. I gave up on blogging, but then she got one, and I finally managed to get my computer to follow the link to her page (it crapped out on me the first several times I tried when she initially sent it), and she has the same background as I do. And I was all like, jealousy! And so now I'm writing.

And apologizing, by the way. I don't mean to starve you, dear blog. I've just been a bit distracted. Which I know is no good reason for inhumane treatment of inhuman things...

So, I'm going to try and finish that lab... and then I'll edit that paper... and then I'll try and cram more Spanish into my brain... and then I'll edit that other paper...

And then I'll get back to my book.

As excited as I was to return to school, I only like the homework portion so much. It would be just so much more convenient if you were only required to do homework for the classes you like.

Though, I think some people already subscribe to that mode of study. I think they're all on academic probation.

Good evening, dear blog!

I do hope you can forgive me for neglecting you so.

- Judith

Having Nothing to Do

And yet never managing to do the things you should be doing.

I keep thinking about getting rid of this blog, but I just cannot bring myself to do it.  I haven't gotten rid of my myspace page either though, for that matter, and I don't think I even remember my password for it.

I have finally begun to do the things I ought to have been doing all summer - reviewing my Spanish, reading, writing - and I've got less than two weeks before I go to school.  How silly and typical of me.  I hope this procrastination does not leak over into my schoolwork.  That would be awful.

I have only read twenty-four books so far this year.  Even at my sickest, I read more books than that.  I don't think I've read this few in a year since I learned to read!  But I have promised myself to catch up a bit in the next couple of weeks.  

Now I remember why I keep thinking of getting rid of the blog.

I really don't have anything to write about.