Thoughts on my relative infancy

Dear Blog,

Mum and I went down to help Bekah move into her house today.  Only one of her housemates seemed to be moved in already, which meant there was plenty of space to move around and stomp up and down the stairs carrying stuff.  It was pretty fun, seeing her get all set up and unpacked...

But I admit some jealousy here.  I'm nearly 21; I'm the kid who should be living away from home, have a house full of people I'll be living with this year that are unrelated to me.  I should be the one forgetting things and not really stressing over the things that Mum is worried about, and I should the be the one acting like a grown up.

I am, for the most part, content in my situation.  I cannot live on my own right now.  Sometimes, after a day at school, I cannot think enough to do anything, let alone stand on my feet long enough to do laundry, to cook myself dinner, to go out and do groceries and chores and other things like that.  And while I have a knack for remembering things, when I'm tired, I couldn't really care if the house is on fire; I am physically unable to move.

I'm a lot better than I was a year ago.  I spent a lot of this summer out of the house, walking and spending time with friends and I'm pretty capable now.  But I can't really combine both physical activity and mental activity yet; it seems like in a day I only have the capacity for one or the other, which is what makes school tough. 

By tomorrow, things will be less whirlwind-y than today was, and I'll feel okay about myself and my situation once more.  But for right now, I'm reminded that I live a life very different from my peers, and I can only hope that God has a really good reason for it (aside from the ones he has given me so far) that makes it all worth missing out.  I fully acknowledge and accept that I will probably never know what this reason is, and it may not even have to do with me, but with another person or circumstance in my life or the lives of those around me.  Still...

This is where trusting God happens.

- Judith